I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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