either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize