Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
