she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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