my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
