Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There's always time for handjobs
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
