I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
