My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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