Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
