What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
