would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
