Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
