I think my fart just growled at me.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
