my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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