There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
