my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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