he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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