3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
