Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
