dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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