we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
