I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
