just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
