hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
