Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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