Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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