you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
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