I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
