Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
