i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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