everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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