she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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