Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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