Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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