I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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