im holly from the hills drunk
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
