I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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