just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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