I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Success! We fucked roommates!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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