Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
