Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
