We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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