If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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