yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
