I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
do herpes really smell.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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