break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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