How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
