It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
