Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
