OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you had me at cake vodka
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
