your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
