u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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