So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
