i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
