Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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