none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
it was like eating out sand paper
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
