Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
