he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
