I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
