when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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