you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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