DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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