He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
