We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
