yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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