i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
