I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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