You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize