Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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