he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
