problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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