I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
