I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
