I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
