I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
