It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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